After all this time
by sonorusgoesthesilence
Summary: It is ten years since Remus was bitten. He has had a very lonely summer and reflects on that night.


**AN: I know I've been MIA for a while, but I'm (slowly) getting back on top of things and I'll be updating both Commitments and MRCF as soon as possible, and then be looking at the prompt for the next 77 chapter challenge. For the moment though, here's a drabble I wrote for an RP and have edited a little bit and yes, read, enjoy and review! Also, you might be getting a few of these, I'm going through them.**

_The summer holidays were brilliant. Any six-year-old would agree, and Remus John Lupin was no exception. It was a time when all the children from down the street played outside every day, and it was warm enough to bring out the water pistols. It was one of the only times that they all played together, as they weren't all friends at school. They could stay up later than normal because there was not any school to worry about the next day and it was still light outside past their usual bedtimes. What's more, although Remus' mum only worked mornings at the library, this still meant that there was half the day that he would have to go around to one of his neighbours' houses, where they also had a six-year-old boy. Every single day. It was bliss._

At sixteen, Remus had never disliked the holidays more. Ever since he had started at Hogwarts, the summer holidays meant not having his friends there constantly any more. Sirius was always impossible to contact, James had all his pure-blood gatherings and crazy social life and Peter wasn't exactly pro-active when it came to arranging to get together. He ended up at home with his aunt fussing over him all hours of the day and reading his way through as many books as he could get his hands on, which wasn't exactly exciting. This year, though, was even worse. The Marauders weren't talking. Not properly, anyway. Remus and Peter had been writing to each other fairly regularly and he'd heard from James once or twice. But even if Sirius had written, he was certain he would have ignored the letter. He was still angry, and though they had finished the term talking to each other, things were tense. Remus was learning these holidays, that when you feel used by one of your best friends, absence does not always make the heart grow fonder.

_Remus was in his last week of holidays before he started in year two at his primary school – finally, the top of the infants, and then next year he'd be a really big boy going into the junior school section as a year three. His mum came to pick him up from his neighbours at lunchtime and they went home and had jam sandwiches. He was then allowed to go next door all by himself to play football with the other girls and boys down the street. He came home for dinner and then went straight out again, his dad letting him cycle his bike which he could now ride really well with the stabilisers on, with some of his friends, leaving one of the older girls in charge. Remus was the second youngest allowed to go and they cycled all the way to the park. Remus assumed that the other kids must have checked with his parents how far he could go, but he didn't really think about it – how many six-year-olds really consider if their parents are worried or not?_

Remus went into Hogsmeade at the end of August with his aunt. They had left it very late this year, but he had been debating which subjects to take at NEWT level and hadn't wanted to buy his books before he had made a decision. His uncle was working and Remus wished that he'd persuaded them to bring him in on Saturday when both his surrogate parents could have come with him. He loved his aunt, but she could be very over-protective and it would be more difficult for him to go off if he met any friends. She would probably do her thing where she said he could go, but at the same time make him feel so guilty about leaving her that he didn't want to. It would work even better today, as well. She was more edgy than usual, and Remus could see that as soon as he walked into the kitchen and she put his breakfast in front of him.

_Remus cycled along, trying to keep up with the bigger children. He knew that next week they would go back to school and it would be as though the summer hadn't happened. None of them would be friends and he would once again be the quiet kid who liked books more than people, who always had scruffy uniform and old bags, who always seemed to be in the middle of any weird stuff that happened, though nobody could quite pin the blame on him. So, he was determined to cherish this moment whilst it lasted. They got to the park and played around there, and then one of the boys suggested they play hide and seek. Remus pointed out that there weren't any good hiding places here. "That's fine," the boy replied, pointing over at the forest. "We'll go there." The forest was in between their houses and the park, and though they had gone around it to get there, they were all used to walking through it. It would make sense to go through it to get home, so they might as well play in it whilst they did so. Even better, it was starting to get dark so it would be easier to hide._

The Lupins had never had their fireplace hooked up to the Floo network and Remus' aunt didn't apparate, so they went to London by train and walked to Diagon Alley. Not many people had left it as late as they had, so whilst Remus did get to talk to some people he knew from Hogwarts, they managed to get all their shopping done pretty quickly. As they hadn't gone until the afternoon in the first place, however, it was nearing dusk by the time they reached their train station. Remus took the bags and immediately started walking, assuming his aunt was following. "Remus! Where are you going?" she asked. He turned in confusion, seeing her still standing by the ticket office. "Home…" he said slowly. "I thought… I thought we'd walk that way," she replied, pointing off towards the main road. Remus frowned. "But that takes twenty minutes longer and we've got to cross the main road twice. If we go through…" he trailed off, understanding the problem. "Aunt Callie," he said quietly. "It's fine. I'm not scared. There's nothing to be scared of." He then gestured at the sky where the moon could be seen. "The moon's still waxing. I would know." She nodded slowly and Remus shifted the bags so that he held all three in one hand, leaving the other to reach out towards her and clasp her hand in his. "It's fine," he repeated and they walked towards the forest hand-in-hand.

_Remus left his bike next to a big tree on the path that he was sure he'd be able to find again. He hurried off quickly, while one of the girls started counting. He was going to find the_ best_hiding place. He ran through the trees, searching for good bushes to hide under and didn't notice the tall man standing in his path until he nearly collided with him. "Hello! I'm Remus. Who are you?" he greeted happily, confident as any young child who had grown up in a village where strangers were not a threat. The man looked pained, his eyes darting up to the sky, groans emitting through gritted teeth. "Lupin…" the man forced out. Remus' eyes widened, assuming that the man was answering his question. "That's strange. My surname's Lupin too. Are you my uncle or something?" The man focused on him suddenly, and a strange smile rose on his lips as he wetted them with his tongue._ "You're_ Remus Lupin? I'm so glad to meet you. I've been wanting to for a very long time now." Remus started to nod, but then the man went still and rigid. His limbs began to shake and the child stepped forwards curiously, reaching a hand out to try and touch him and calm him down. The man let out a snarl and Remus stepped back in surprise, his hand dropping as he watched, fascinated, as the man's head and body lengthened, his body morphing into a different shape. He wasn't scared. He was a brave child, and he didn't truly understand the dangers of what was happening. The animal that replaced the man snarled again and pounced on the boy, knocking him to the floor._

As they walked through the forest, Remus' books and equipment swinging by his side, he looked around at the familiar path and considered how strange it was, the way memory worked. Every second of that night he could remember. They passed a large oak tree and Remus recalled resting his bike against the trunk, and then clambering through the bush next to it. Though the foliage was thick, and grown differently after the time gap, he could have retraced his path perfectly. He could feel a pull trying to convince him to do just that, but the pressure of his aunt's hand persuaded him otherwise. They got home and Remus put his bags next to his trunk in his bedroom. He smelt his aunt start cooking dinner and went downstairs just in time for his uncle to walk through the front door. The sixteen-year-old walked straight into his uncle's arms. He was not one to consider himself too old for hugs, especially after losing his parents. "How was your day, son?" "It was good, thanks," Remus smiled. "We got all my books and then we walked back from the train station through the woods." Benjamin Lupin looked at his nephew, a small smile playing on his lips. "Good boy," he said, planting a quick kiss on Remus' forehead. They understood and agreed with each other on this: they shouldn't be scared of the forest and there shouldn't be any unnecessary detours to avoid it, no matter what Accalia Lupin thought.

_Remus screamed as sharp claws scratched at his t-shirt and saliva dripped from the wolf's mouth onto the ground next to his head. The wolf growled at the sound and it moved its head down. Remus swung his arm up automatically to shield his face and pain shot through it as the beast's teeth sank into his skin. A loud bang made the wolf jump away, blood covering its muzzle, but Remus remained on the floor, tears mingling with blood and mud on his face. The wolf stalked around in a circle, distracted by something, and then there was another bang, which sent it to the floor whimpering. Footsteps approached Remus and then strong arms lifted him up. He looked up to see his dad's face, pale and horrified. He rested his head against his father's chest and let him carry him back through the woods. One look back showed him the wolf nursing a bleeding leg and glaring after the two Lupins leaving. "Daddy, it's hurting," Remus said quietly. It applied to his arm, and his whole body which ached, but he spoke about the wolf, lying broken on the floor. "I know, baby, we're going to get you to a hospital," his father replied. He didn't understand._

Remus lay on his bed that night, the date spinning around his mind. 30th August. He turned his head and stared out the window. At least the moon wasn't full. That would have made it all so much more difficult. He closed his eyes, murmuring a tune under his breath. "Happy birthday to wolf, happy birthday to wolf, happy birthday to the werewolf, happy birthday to wolf." Now that his aunt and uncle had gone to bed and he didn't have to try and pretend to them that he was fine and the date wasn't affecting him in anyway, he let his eyes water and curled up on the bed, shaking with sobs. For ten years, Remus John Lupin had been a werewolf. Ten years to the day. For half of that – nearly exactly half, in fact, he had known James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black. They had found out the truth that he had tried so desperately to hide, but they hadn't rejected him. They had done what he never could have expected. They _helped_ him. They had learnt magic much too difficult and dangerous for anyone to expect them to pull it off, but they had done it. And then… Well, then Sirius had told Snape how to get into the Whomping Willow. But, for the first time since the event, Remus found that he did not feel a surge of anger on thinking of it. Sirius had done so much for him, and on this, the ten year anniversary of his bite, he realised that he couldn't hold anything against him. Nothing had happened. Snape was alive, James was alive, Sirius… Sirius needed his friends. Just as Remus had needed his friends so many times over the past five years. And in that moment, Remus Lupin forgave Sirius Black.


End file.
